Your Wedding Checklist: Do it Right.

Congratulations! You’re getting married! 

Now it’s time to go fucking crazy. 

Your Wedding Checklist

9 to 12 months prior to wedding day:

  Introduce your terrible relatives to one another at a nice little Barbeque.

  Pump fringe relatives for cash, using guilt and tradition as your weapons.

  Discuss budget with your fiance, get into several fights.

  Start telling casual acquaintances about your engagement.  Make them work for that invite.

  Create a binder to store and organize ideas, porn, worksheets, receipts, brochures, open threats, etc.

  Visit and reserve wedding and reception sites. Make sure it’s during a stranger’s wedding, Impose.

  Meet with your officiant. Elude to the idea that he or she should perform the ceremony in the nude—to test their loyalty.

  Start compiling your guest list to estimate head count. Consider budget when thinking about “must-invites” versus “nice-to-invites.”   Stupid fucking Brenda McNalley doesn’t need a steak dinner on your dime.

  Begin shopping for the wedding gown. Really scour those Chinese web sites. Cry a few times, ask your friends if they think you’ve gained weight, get angry when they give frank replies.

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