Congratulations! You’re getting married!
Now it’s time to go fucking crazy.
Your Wedding Checklist
9 to 12 months prior to wedding day:
☐ Introduce your terrible relatives to one another at a nice little Barbeque.
☐ Pump fringe relatives for cash, using guilt and tradition as your weapons.
☐ Discuss budget with your fiance, get into several fights.
☐ Start telling casual acquaintances about your engagement. Make them work for that invite.
☐ Create a binder to store and organize ideas, porn, worksheets, receipts, brochures, open threats, etc.
☐ Visit and reserve wedding and reception sites. Make sure it’s during a stranger’s wedding, Impose.
☐ Meet with your officiant. Elude to the idea that he or she should perform the ceremony in the nude—to test their loyalty.
☐ Start compiling your guest list to estimate head count. Consider budget when thinking about “must-invites” versus “nice-to-invites.” Stupid fucking Brenda McNalley doesn’t need a steak dinner on your dime.