Dear Other Human, Monkey, Robot, or Exceptionally intelligent Mouse,
This is my personal stationary. I made it because I feel self- important, and I like to see the letters of my name looking very fancy and official in ink. “AM” Jackson. It’s got a ring to it. It makes me sound as though I’m a very chipper morning person. Maybe I really am. But you’ll never know, will you? Because this letter is impersonal and professional, bitches. Wait. Did I just use the term “bitches” in a professional letter? You bet your ass I did. I’m a game changer.